Why?
by June13
Summary: Just a little story, nothing much but hate, love and smut. IcemanPyro


Songfic to Everything I hate About You- Three Days Grace

* * *

I lied, staring at my ceiling for what seemed like hours. You'd said you'd come at midnight and it is now two in the morning. I know you need this just as much as I do, and that's why I sought you out that night. Needless to say, I didn't like what I found. It's not like we made it exclusive, but it still hurt to see you inside him. The look of sheer pleasure written all over both your features. It made me realize how much I hate you... And how much I love you.

_Every time we lie awake  
after every hit we take  
every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet_

That night I crept back up to the tower, hoping you hadn't noticed my intrusion. My heart ached, and yet I was happy it wasn't me beneath you, always the submissive. It's not like I really have a choice or anything, no, that's your self- appointed duty. At first you asked, and then I liked being the receiver, the bottom, so I consented. I loved you back then, head over heels, I fell for you. Now though, you just take me, like my answer is always the same. Is it rape then? You have no consent, and yet you have so much more than that. So no, it's not against my will, only against my preferences. God, how it hurt to see you with him, some random, faceless boy, not much older than us. Why not me? Why wasn't I good enough for you to meet at midnight that night, instead of him, the unlucky bastard. I crawled back into my bed, not bothering with classes the next day, knowing full well you'd be worried.

_Every roommate kept awake  
By every sigh and scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still don't miss you yet_

_Only when I stop to think about it_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

You sought me out that night, I could hear you asking my roommates if I was in, and if I was could they possibly not be back for a while. Naturally, I heard them snicker and leave the vicinity. The door clicked open next and I feigned sleep, knowing you knew it was all a charade. The bed shifted as you sat next to me silently for a moment. Maybe you didn't know I was awake.

_Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet_

_Only when I stop to think about it_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

"I love you, you know that? I don' know why, but I love you," He chuckled dryly. "You've got me completely guilty over what happened last night. I know you saw us; I saw you walking away around the corner. I guess I kind of wanted you to see, wanted you to be jealous, wanted you to love me back." Another dry chuckle. "This isn't good for either of us, you know? I'm hooked and you're angry. You hate me, I know you do. I can see it every time you come. You get this horrible, sickened look on your face right after, like you can't even stand to look at me any longer than it takes you to calm yourself." He took in a ragged breath. Was he crying? "God, I don't even know why I'm here. No... That was a lie, I know exactly why I'm here and so do you. Now you do… What ever that's worth." He stood to leave and I grabbed at his sleeve. He stopped and went rigid, like I'd struck him. Everything's changed now. I loved him again, and he was the one filled with hate; the hate of me for stopping him, for not letting this end here and now like it should. I didn't want it to end though. I loved him, however fucked up it seemed and I needed him. He needed me too, this he knew. He couldn't really walk away for long, this I knew. He never did, but this time, we both knew, would be different.

_Only when I stop to think  
About you, I know  
Only when you stop to think  
About me, do you know_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
You hate everything about me  
Why do you love me_

"What?" his tone was biting, but I didn't flinch, knowing it meant he was crying.

"Stay," I mumbled back softly.

"Why?" he wasn't as bitter now, only cold.

"Because I asked you to," I responded and slid out of bed. He stood stock still as I faced him. I could see the glistening of tears on his cheeks and wiped them away gently. He almost flinched at my contact, but managed to stay put. He watched me for a moment more before launching his whole body at me and attaching his lips to mine. This was how it always started. He led with heated kisses, then nakedness, then him inside me without me saying a word to stop him. I loved it, yet hated it. I loathed it with every fiber of my being, but then his tongue would slide over the roof of my mouth and I would love it. Love it with every fiber of my being. His hands ran over the skin of my chest and abdomen, then lifted my shirt off for better access. His shirt followed, then the garments covering our lower halves made their way to the floor. I moaned and moved into the hand that now grasped my erection. He pressed three of his fingers to my lips and I took them in, gently sucking and licking them. He gasped at the sensation, then removed them and brought them down to my entrance. He inserted one and I hissed at the sudden movement. He then moved the second in and scissored them to prepare me. The third entered, but left prematurely. I made a sound of protest at the loss, but was soon moaning again as he moved his length inside me and I was soon crying out for more. He followed my requests and moved faster, hitting the bundle of nerves with every thrust. He then took me into his hand and pumped me in time with his movements. We cried out in unison as he came inside me and I spilled over our stomachs. He collapsed on top of me and pulled out slowly.

That was the first, and last, night he stayed with me. It was the most content moment of my life, waking in the arms of my lover. It was short- lived, of course, and we went back to the way things were soon after. The hate consumed me once more, and yet I continued to let him in, over and over and over again.

_I hate  
you hate  
I hate  
you love me_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?_


End file.
